Sometimes I get the feeling that I have always been hunted.
I have always been running. From something, to some destination.
I have always felt like a big rock has been put on my chest. No. as if a lot of big rocks have been put on my chest. One rock is lifted, I feel alive & relieved for a moment, & d next moment there's another rock on my chest which I have to move.
Started with exams, then came the "bigger" challenges like adolescence, sex, girls, pimples, weight, friends etc etc.
These single words sound boring and usual, but when you are going through each of these stages, each and every day seems like the toughest & the most important day.
I was under the false impression that the last rock would be lifted when I get a job and I move out of parent's house, I would be independent, FREE at last.
No more of making up of excuses for money from my parents for a party, no more feelings of less worth, no more of any of the things I used to dread.
But the rocks not only grew heavier, they also multiplied, not even double or tripple the weight, but a lot heavier and a lot more of rocks. A lot of them, a whole lot more of them.
And now I realize that all the rocks which earlier I used to think of as big rocks, were just pebbles.
Very small and beautiful pebbles.